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Oct. 26th, 2009

Almost Jessica

Just Breathe

Sometimes the only thing you can do is wait... 

take a deep breath
and remember that on a long enough timeline everything goes back to zero.

Aug. 1st, 2009

Almost Jessica

(no subject)

umm...it just so happens that my dream college also offers my dream major....

fuck.

i've put myself in a very uncomfortable situation.

May. 5th, 2009

Almost Jessica

What a difference a year makes

This time last year I was on a tequila buzz with a new belly button peircing on my way to ray st to guzzle down some beers and entertain some boys.
This year? I spent the day at a riding barn, came 'home' and made enchiladas for my grandmother (with a delicious side of mexican rice)

No judgement, no disappointment, no regret - just fact.

Note: I'm drinking Killians Irish Red, couldn't be less appropriate. :-)
Tags:

Mar. 17th, 2009

Almost Jessica

cleaner and happier

Without trying to, I seem to have cleaned up my life a bit.
And come to a couple comforting realizations:

1) I can indeed go an extended period of time without smoking the ganja (without realizing, or missing it)
2) I'm the same person, so I need not fear that the weed defines who I am, even when I do smoke on a regular basis.

Mar. 9th, 2009

iRent

Not too much to say

I wish I was more open, didn't act so apathetic.

Because I'm not. 

And everytime I come close to changing, I decide that its less hassle to just keep my mouth shut. But no one ever got anywhere by keeping quiet. I'll just have to teach myself that sometimes its worth the one awkward moment to set up the countless moments that are truly worth relishing.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Mar. 6th, 2009

Almost Jessica

No more Jersey

So its very nearly official, no more Jersey for Jessica.

If I'm lucky, I'll get to go live in Florida with my best friend in the world.
If I'm a little luckier, I'll get to start all over in San Diego - and maybe convince my best friend to come with me (haven't broached the subject yet, maybe this is the forum to do so??? please come??)

Been cutting back on most vices. Trying not to be so much of a bitch, I realize that I'm not shit - I'm not as adored as I'd like to be, but I seem to get by, and I seem to be loved in the places I'd suspect it least....which is strange, disconcerting and comforting all at the same time.

I guess nothing every goes as we plan, and thats all a part of the adventure of life. And I plan on living this adventure to its fullest.

Feb. 19th, 2009

Almost Jessica

Remodeling

After shouting obscenities at my futon, breaking my desk in half and gorilla gluing it back together, and putting together my new bookcase...I have officially remodeled my room.

I liked it better before lol

Feb. 15th, 2009

Almost Jessica

Forgive me

To those who know exactly what this is about, I'm sorry - but it was a random thought:

If you are announcing your engagement via your facebook status, chances are you're not ready to get married.


On a different note: Valentines Day was not bad.

Jan. 28th, 2009

More like bad vodka Lol

Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll

Its been 50 years since the music died....

As posted earlier, my musical tastes are changing, and I seem to be replacing my old stand-by's (SR-71, Barenaked Ladies, Garbage) with a different repertoire (Dispatch, The New Pornographers, The Wallflowers). But I'll always have a place in my heart for those good old songs that defined an age, One Week - BNL, Jumper - 3rd Eye Blind, and of course, American Pie - Don McLean.
CTY was amongst the best times of my life, the first time I realized that people could appreciate and like me for simply being who I was. The first time being smart was cool and learning really was fun. The first time I was with someone, really with them, my first kiss, my first love letter, the first song ever written for me.

Somewhere I threw out everything that made me worthy of that place. I came to college and peer pressue completely consumed me for the first two and a half years, and I'm just now getting myself back...disfigured and broken. I traveled down the world of drugs, alcohol and sex - thinking that hiding my intelligence and my passions would help me become accepted in this strange world called New Jersey.
I was wrong, and I'm learning now just how far from myself I strayed.
I tell myself that I simply love being high - and I do. Its not an escape, its a vacation from my life. But if I'm truthful with myself, I realize that I am no longer sure who I am without the weed, and that scares me. If I don't have a blunt rolled, what am I going to be doing with my night? I always seem to have money for a gram, but never enough to actually do something with someone, which is upsetting.


I miss the music,
live, live, live, live, die, die, die, die, sex, sex, sex, sex, more, more, more, more!

Jan. 22nd, 2009

Almost Jessica

Subletting.

Living with someone i work with - just seems like a bad idea to me.
But maybe this will be good for me, hanging around with a girl for a change. I'll learn the feminine ways, that always seem to have alluded me.

So far I seem to be keeping up with every new years resolution - making this a year of firsts, and making some new girlfriends. And maybe living with someone NOT from NJ/Rutgers will be good for me, a brand new perspective on the world.
She is a darling, and needs the room more then I need my secrets.

Got to meet OE while my sister was in town - pretty awesome, even though I missed their comedy bit. Hopefully I'll catch them in March.

Life, in general, is a blast. I realize that I should be productive - especially in these times of economic need, but I am just having too much fun. I guess I can't make myself be ready for the real world, so in the meantime I'll just imerse myself in New Brunswick culture, and take as much out of these experiences as possible. I'm enjoying being loved.

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